a life too short...

Last night I found out a girl I knew long ago died in a car accident yesterday morning. Her name was Janet and she was beautiful. And she was only 24.

The news of her death has hit me hard.  Of course the normal thoughts ran through my mind: When did I see her last? (I believe I ran into her randomly sometime when I was home from college), when did I talk to her last? (sometime on facebook) what memories do I have of her? (there aren't too many- she was best friends with the sister of my highschool boyfriend), but what has hit me hardest is understanding why and how this could have happened? It sounds all so cliche, and yet the hurt is really real.

I almost feel bad saying that word- hurt.  How can I hurt after losing a girl I barely knew? If I call what I feel hurting, then what do you call the intense grief that her friends and family are experiencing?

I don't know how to process tragic loss.  I can say I've become an expert at dealing with my grief, but my loss was not tragic.  My mom's death took almost 7 years, and while I was in denial for all but 1 week of the process, it was still a process.  This was instantaneous. 

One of the most tragic aspects of the social networking world is when, after a death, messages are posted to someone's facebook or myspace page.  It breaks my heart to read the personal conversations shared between friends and familes to the deceased.  But one of the advantages is the memorial pages that pop up within hours of someone's passing.  There friends can bond together, share memories, post pictures and begin the grieving proceoss.  

On Janet's memorial page on facebook, I've seen "answers" to my unspoken questions: How could this have happened? (we will never know why, but we know she's with the Lord) How can people heal? (prayer, scriptures) How do you go on? (we'll see her in Heaven someday) and while I disregard the messages from outsiders (just being honest...but they don't know what else to say) and admire the faith of those who did know her, I don't feel comforted by those responses.  

She may be in heaven and may be joined by her friends and family someday- but for many of them, they have a lifetime of living without her ahead of them. Yes, we can "rejoice" that she is "healed," but what about the life that was cut short? And those left behind to deal with their unthinkable grief...

Today I am hurting- hurting that tomorrow my life isn't going to be affected in any way and hurting for those whose lives are forever changed.

3 years

I never really dreamed of heaven much until we put you in the ground..

Miss you mommy.

We're starting a foundation!

So... today was supposed to be the 3rd annual Susan C. Sine golf outing... but upon arriving to set-up this morning, a bad storm rolled in.  Can you believe this is the THIRD YEAR IN A ROW it rained?  I had some words with God, to say the least.  

We've never had lightening before- and golfers aren't allowed to play in the lightening.  So at the club's suggestion, we rescheduled for the end of October.  I've been dreading this outing- I'm not sure why... I just haven't looked forward to it... but last night we decided 100% that we're starting a foundation in memory of my mom- and part of the money today was going to help us start the foundation.  So, suddenly I cared about the event and the disappointment is harder than I thought!

But let me talk about the Foundation I'm so super excited about!  While our mission isn't 100% set, basically we're going to help woman with ovarian cancer. We'd like to extend beyond just help for medical expenses... I envision helping women pay for a nice wig- or skin treatments after chemo. Or paying gas bills to and from treatments- or covering day care bills for a single mom while she's undergoing treatment.  I know there are ways for patients to get medical expenses covered, but there are very few organizations that exist to give grants for lifestyle expenses for cancer patients- especially specifically ovarian cancer! So, we're super excited!  Plus, my sisters never really got involved with N.O.C.C.  so it will be so nice to do something together! It's going to be a lot of work (don't believe me?), but so so worth it!  

So, anyway.. I'm disappointed because I was ready to make some $$ for N.O.C.C. and also money for our foundation! But we'll just make sure it's a GORGEOUS fall day on 10/27 and make a LOT more money than we would have today!

YAY!

Going back home to the West Coast...

Don't worry- we're not moving.  I'm just singing 'West Coast" by Coconut Records which has been my catchy summer jam.

It's possible I might watch McCain's speech tonight. I have no interest in being bored to tears by that old guy, but it would probably be good to hear what he has to say in case Obama happens to get struck by lightening before November and Clinton can't pull it together in time to pull off the win.  We'll see.  I do enjoy his daughter's blog.  It's fun to see pictures from the campaign trail!

I'm itching for a new job.  I'm looking.  I need to do something. I finally feel ready.  But of course the minute I felt that I became the primary breadwinner in our home, so.... I'll put that on hold for a bit :)

Whoa- craziness going down during McCain's speech- I'm reading the twitter updates to find out more.  Code pink? Haven't heard about them.

Shout-out to Andy Pants and her 27th birthday today! Love you girl!